Boundaries

As a mom of young children boundaries are hard. You have a little being that does not care what your needs are. They are focused on getting their needs meet. For the development of the child this is good and necessary. They need the confidence to know that their needs will be met. For adults it is a little trickier. We still thrive when we know our needs will be met. But sometimes we need to set boundaries to make sure we have the space to meet our needs.

I have an 18 month old. She is still nursing and is very attached to me. I have 8 children so I have the unique ability to really see how each child is their own individual. And this child is UNIQUE! We are trying to wean, but she is more strong willed then I. It is all getting a bit much however. Now every time I sit down she decides it is time to nurse. Granted I don’t sit down much, but at the end of the day all I want to do is relax. And all she wants to do is nurse. This is a boundary issue, where she is realizing and a bit fearful, that we are actually two different people and sometimes mommy needs her space.

It is a learning experience for me also. I am naturally a people pleaser. I love helping and nourishing others. This tendency has got me in some sticky situations where I agreed to a long term situation in the effort to help family only to discover that it was a completely undoable situation for me–there were no boundaries.

Boundaries are hard a fast lines. Something we will not cross. Children are very good at setting up boundaries if we let them. I am not very good at potty training, so most of my children are in diapers when they can talk. My 5th daughter decided that I was the only one who could change her diaper. Sometimes she would let her older sister but mostly it was me. Once her dad told her he could change her diaper and she looked at him and said in and exasperated voice, “Daddy you can’t change my diaper–you are a BOY!” We let her have the boundary and now luckily she is potty trained.

In my situation with family I had to realize that it is good and necessary to have boundaries. Boundaries keep us safe and healthy. I had to go back and figure out what was the best way to take care of myself and protect myself. When I did it was a total game changer, my world actually opened up by setting boundaries. It gave me the space I needed to really learn who I truly am, what I want and how to get there.