Time Tyrant–The Urgent
Sometimes as a mom it can feel like you are living in a kingdom ruled by a tiny tyrant. Its not that children are hungry for power but they are just really good at getting their needs met. It seems like there is always an urgent crisis.
Remember in The Antman and the Wasp, when Antman (played by Paul Rudd) is literally being held captive by the bad guy and gets a call marked “urgent” from his daughter. He convinces the bad guy that he has to answer the phone call and his daughter can’t find her soccer shoes and needs to know right now where they are. Urgent indeed. But kids know how to get attention.
Living in a Constant State of Crisis
Living in a state of constant crisis is completely exhausting. By always focusing on these urgent matters we are allowing the Time Tyrant Urgent to run our life. Stealing precious moments that could be going towards the Important.
Here are some real life examples from last week. In each of these cases it was about 7:30 at night, I was finishing up the dinner dishes looking forward to a couple hours vegging out in front of the TV, watching my favorite shows, cuddling with my husband and most importantly not having anything I needed to do.
Night 1. I hear the 8 year old asking his dad if he had eaten enough eggs (he chose not to eat our dinner, demanded eggs, then wouldn’t eat them). He picked up his plate walked over to the couch where his dad was sitting, tripped, dropped the plate and shatters it.
Night 2. I do actually make it to the couch. I sit down. The 18 month old climbs into my lap smearing poop out the edge of her saggy diaper all over me and her.
Night 3. Again made it to the couch. My 14 year old daughter runs in and says her goat is having babies and she really doesn’t want to bother me but would I please come out and check her goat and make sure everything is OK?
In each of these situations there was something valid that really needed to be done. But how then do we break free from the Tyrant Urgent?
Making Space for the important
Where I went wrong in each of the above instances was pushing myself to my near breaking point, thinking if I can just make it a little more then I will get a rest. Don’t push yourself to your breaking point!
One way to break free of that is to schedule in time for you.
I homeschool. So I would bring the stack of kids books to the sofa and call them over one by one to do school with me. I found that taking a break in between each subject or student and reading a chapter in a book I enjoyed or knitting a couple rows on a project made a huge difference. Small steps like this go a long way towards making you feel whole.
Don’t forget to schedule in longer times like a date night or even a whole day to yourself.
Here is an example of my schedule that tries to make time
7-8 morning reflection, project
1-3 nap time/quiet time–nap with the little kids, or read or do something relaxing, but take time.
Then I have my short breaks from 9-1:00 during the school day and I do try to have time in the evening with my husband.
Don’t be afraid to seize opportunities
As a mom it can be so easy to worry that there is something that “needs” to be done. Often those things are actually time tyrants that do not need to be done, at least not by you in that exact moment.
We need to be able to tell what is time tyrants and what is actually important. With a goal of nourishing and growing our true self it makes it easier to know what is important (hint: something that nourishes and grows you, or helps you genuinely nourish and grow your children or a relationship).
Here is a real life example from last night–
The kids were outside feeding the animals and playing in our unseasonably warm weather. They were having a blast splashing in the kiddie pool, throwing water balloons and playing with baby animals. I had dinner all ready. I knew when the kids came in they would need to eat. But I was hungry. So I decided to dish up for myself–yes I ate dinner BEFORE feeding my kids (my husband was working late that night and wouldn’t be home for dinner). I normally have difficulty dealing with quiet and would read a book or look at my phone or watch TV while eating. But last night I relished the “quiet” of birds chirping and children laughing and slowly ate my dinner enjoying every bite and smiling while I ate.
I still struggle with time tyrants but at least last night I was able to focus on the important.
What is one way you can try to break the hold of time tyrants in your life?
