Valentine's Relationship Advice from the Herbalist

I am not just an herbalist, I am also a wife and mother. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. We are raising our 9 children together. And now with Valentine’s Day approaching I am hearing my teenage children talk about wishing for someone to share this special day with. As a parent I feel that the best gift we can give our children is the gift of emotional health. There have been a lot of talk about relationships in our house lately and so today I pass on to you some of my best Valentine’s Relationship Advice from the Herbalist.

4 Steps to a Great Relationship

I definitely feel that the best way to have emotional health it to really begin with yourself.

Step 1. Focus on self reflection. You really need to learn why you do the things you do. If you have a strong reaction to something, why? If you are struggling, why?
Step 2. Learn how to share what you are learning. Communicate what you are discovering.
Step 3. Learn to listen as your partner focuses on their own journey.
Step 4. Make space and time for growth, this is a continual process.

Focus on Self Reflection

It is so easy to think that the way we do things is the way everyone does things. Perhaps we think that because we believe something to be true it is the right way. But our default should not be that we are always right just because we grew up that way. Rather we should take the default of exploration and discovery. Herbs can be really helpful for that. Check out my post about Flower Essences for Personal Growth.

Let me share a story. My husband and I come from very different cultures. Throughout our relationship we have had to evaluate what is really us, and what is the culture we come from. Things like foods we enjoy, religions we come from and even living situations were all glaringly different. But because they were so different it made it easy for us to see that there is not one way of doing things. We had to learn to first clear away all the cultural baggage and then communicate what we learned which brings us to step 2.

Communicate what you are learning

It is great that you understand where you are coming from. Now it is time to share what you are learning. When you are in a relationship the ability to communicate is key to longevity.

We had one issue in our relationship that it took me years to figure out why I was having such a negative reaction to something I thought I wanted. During this time I was open with my husband and as I had a breakthrough I would share it with him. He thankfully was patient. Remember this whole process took YEARS. All of these steps are so inter-related it is really about honesty beginning with our self, communication, time and patience. Now step 3.

Listen

My husband listened as I worked through my issues. He rarely said anything he just gave me the space to share what I was learning about myself. This made it possible for me to feel comfortable to keep learning and exploring. At the same time he was watching the process I was going through. As I was asking questions of myself he often would ask himself those same questions and so we were both developing a more clear idea of who we really were and what we wanted. It is important to not forget step 4.

Make Space to Continue Growing and Learning

Growing and learning is totally a life long process. Likely issues will continue to come up as we enter each new stage of life. But if you have made a habit of being open and honest with yourself first, then communicate what you are learning and taking time to listen to your partner in their own journey, success is a great spiral of connection.

Tools for Self Reflection

So coming back to our first step. Really knowing yourself, your true self, is key. Here at
AmyDoeun.com we are committed to giving you the tools to “Nourish and Grow Your True
Self so you can Change the World.” Next week we will celebrate Valentine’s Day. I am offering my readers a great crash course I created–“Nourished You.” This course is designed to be one week in length, with daily articles and journaling prompts to really help kickstart your journey of exploration and your path to your true To sign up for our Nourished You guide click the button below.